She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
