Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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