We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
