dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
