Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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