btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
