you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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