hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
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i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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