I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
