I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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