So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
