I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
