Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
