jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
