His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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