Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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