First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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