Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
