he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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