'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
