there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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