he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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