You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Bring me that man meat
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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