Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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