If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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