So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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