This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
