Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
