I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
