Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
