$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
