no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
