you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
