I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
