bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
