bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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