Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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