Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
