i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
