i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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