going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm at about main and main street
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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