im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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