I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
did i walk over a car last night?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
