I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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