come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
