I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
