3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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