Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
