When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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