something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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