My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i think we sleep fucked last night...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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