its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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