either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
