You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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