True but thats because hes a fetus.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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