I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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