Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize