we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
