I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
