addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
