dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
