I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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