We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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