her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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