toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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