There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
