I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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