He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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