Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
