Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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