I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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